Why am I doing this? The odds of anyone finding this blog are slim. I'm not advertising it. Anyone who reads this will basically have to stumble across it. Who knows. Thirty years from now when I'm old, feeble or dead, someone may discover my confused ramblings and call them art. Or not.
This evening, my confusion lies within. Ok, so that's confusion's usual location, but this one strikes at my heart. Why do I fear and love public speaking? Why do I subject myself to the rigors of writing and giving a speech and all the stress this involves? Yet, somewhere I receive great satisfaction from speaking. I'm sure the satisfaction stems from the accomplishment.
Two weeks from now I will be giving a speech at the Toastmasters Division 84 Humorous Speech Contest. My speech will not be humorous as I am the "test" speaker for the Evaluation Contest. This is an honor and a challenge. I will have plenty of time to get a speech together and deliver it on the largest stage of my speaking career to this point. The challenge is there. The fear is hiding. Why is that?
Fear usually freezes me and screams, "You can't do this you fool! You're terrified to speak in front of strangers!" Is it that I'm still too far out from the speech date to be concerned? What will my speech be about? Do I wish to dazzle them with brilliance or baffle them with bullshit.
I'm not sure I own the capability to dazzle or baffle. Something tells me I'll do well. This is not the normal modus operandi of my emotional self. I am usually cowering in the shadow of potential failure or embarrassment. I recently spoke twice at Toastmasters, so possibly the proximity to having given a couple speeches has me confident. I just hope this sticks around.
Having keyed this, I realize I may have placed key words like "Toastmasters" and "speech" in here. Someone doing a Google search may find my little hideaway blog. If you are that person, have pity on my ramblings. I'm a published author that needs a vent space. This is my dumping ground. There's no telling what you'll find here. No telling whether it'll be worth reading, but as any writer knows - it is WELL worth the writing.
Writers MUST have the opportunity to vent. To dump garbage. To be opinionated when they are stifled elsewhere. Nothing like the digital age to help us along. I want to knock these people's socks off. I want them to know I'm a viable force in the speaking world. I'm just now realizing I may have turned the corner and finally come into my own as a speaker. This next speech will tell the tale ...
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Of Writing and Confusion
As I stare into the radiation bombarding my eyes from my monitor, I muse over the day and wonder at how I think I'll ever make a living as a writer. I am ill suited to the discipline required to work well on my own. No time clock, no pressure of a boss, why in the world do I presume to think I can write for money?
The human psyche is not something to trifle with. We are only here for a short while. That is such a trite statement. How many billions of humans have expressed that very same thought in nearly countless languages? I still must ask myself these questions. If I don't get into a writing mode soon, my family will be bankrupt and I will feel disgraced.
Am I waiting for that calamity to motivate me? What keeps us from achieving our dreams? I have dreamt of writing for a living for decades. Now that I'm on the cusp, why waffle? Is it a fear of success/failure? Is it laziness? Hell, is it self esteem?
I am a confused man. That is not to say I'm stupid, poorly educated or ignorant. I simply get confused by all the contradiciton of this world. One day I'll understand. That day involves death of some nature, I'm certain. I must reveal myself to this world if only through my blogs, books, webs, tweets and other communicative medium.
I fear I'm entering a stage of persecution. Persecution for writing that which is on my writer's heart. Everything I write is not necessarily my belief written in stone. I like the liberty writing gives you - the liberty to create and take on persona's you otherwise would never live. I like writing the bad guy. I like the decadence of fiction. Good fiction. I love a great story. I crave the ability to spin a yarn everyone falls in love with. Yes, that's that "Great American Novel" kinda thing. Can't help it, I want it.
So I'm off to continue my writing career. Wish me luck. The confusion grows thicker the further I progress ...
The human psyche is not something to trifle with. We are only here for a short while. That is such a trite statement. How many billions of humans have expressed that very same thought in nearly countless languages? I still must ask myself these questions. If I don't get into a writing mode soon, my family will be bankrupt and I will feel disgraced.
Am I waiting for that calamity to motivate me? What keeps us from achieving our dreams? I have dreamt of writing for a living for decades. Now that I'm on the cusp, why waffle? Is it a fear of success/failure? Is it laziness? Hell, is it self esteem?
I am a confused man. That is not to say I'm stupid, poorly educated or ignorant. I simply get confused by all the contradiciton of this world. One day I'll understand. That day involves death of some nature, I'm certain. I must reveal myself to this world if only through my blogs, books, webs, tweets and other communicative medium.
I fear I'm entering a stage of persecution. Persecution for writing that which is on my writer's heart. Everything I write is not necessarily my belief written in stone. I like the liberty writing gives you - the liberty to create and take on persona's you otherwise would never live. I like writing the bad guy. I like the decadence of fiction. Good fiction. I love a great story. I crave the ability to spin a yarn everyone falls in love with. Yes, that's that "Great American Novel" kinda thing. Can't help it, I want it.
So I'm off to continue my writing career. Wish me luck. The confusion grows thicker the further I progress ...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Islam - An Orgy of Murder
I own hatred of Islam. This hatred was not always in me. The rage built slowly from the atrocities perpetrated in the name of religion. Back when I studied the Inquisition and Crusades in school, I wondered at how base and dull of intellect people had to be back then to kill in the name of religion like they did. The atrocities committed back then were just as heinous, just as soul-less, just as vile as today.
9/11 pushed me over the edge. Islam is an absurdity adopted by millions. Actually over a billion if reported numbers are correct. While those numbers are frightening, the breakdown is even more telling. 93% of Muslims are "moderate" or not of the "radical extremist" nature. That leaves around 91 million radical extremists who desire to kill mothers, children, fathers, men, women, etc.
Note the generalities of those words. They don't care who is killed. They have a blood lust. Modern day savages that kill as their answer to religious differences. Indiscriminate killing. Soulless killing.
I read today where an Iraqi policeman went to work and some radical extremists went into his house and murdered his wife and three children. Islam disgusts me.
"Oh my!" you say. "It is not politically correct to say such things." I don't give a shit. Islam is a pathetic excuse for religion. Where is the outcry from the moderates? Where is the daily disgust with the coarse disregard of human life? Moderate Muslims are tellingly quiet. Even the world is pathetically quiet. Where is the human outrage?
Let's pull out their sympathy card. Oh, Muslims were abused way back centuries ago. Name me a group of people who haven't been in the past. The United States came from a people who were escaping persecution. The sad thing is, that same stock of people came to North America and persecuted the natives here.
Every race and culture has had its persecutions and continue to have them. Islam disgusts me because one billion moderates won't stand up, denounce and take action against 91 million assholes. "Assholes" is far too polite a word. Radical extremist Muslims are base, vile, soulless murderers who justify their sordid, low-life blood lust through religion. Yes, the Crusades were just as disgusting. But I ask you - when are YOU living? IF it is now, this present moment, the transgressions of yesteryear are NO JUSTIFICATION for heinous murder.
Until I see otherwise, I equate Islam with murderers. I don't care if 93% are moderate. Until they stand up and demand these pathetic "jihadists" reign themselves in, the moderates are as guilty as the radical extremists. There should be daily, if not multiple times a day where moderates denounce the bloodshed. Anything less appears to me to be silent support.
What I see is moderates quietly saying, "let's let the extremists conquer the world so that we can enforce (note "force" is the dominant aspect of that word) our religious doctrines on the world." Islam desires nothing but the entire world. It's message of hate and murder are all I see and hear.
Islam is disgusting. A violently perverted religion that threatens to rip the very fabric of society to shreds. When Islam achieves its goal of world domination, your life will be dominated by some blood lust-perverted individual's view of how you walk, talk, dress act and think. We'll all live under men like Bin Laden and the low-life Iranian president Ahmadinejad.
What a horrible world for our children. It's coming. Look at Europe. It's here in the States. Cancer. The cancer Islam spreads like the killing beast it is. When we fall, the end of one of the greatest eras in world history will come. Such a shame to fall to such wicked men. The fact they are freely granted their orgy of murder by their very own moderate backers repulses me.
9/11 pushed me over the edge. Islam is an absurdity adopted by millions. Actually over a billion if reported numbers are correct. While those numbers are frightening, the breakdown is even more telling. 93% of Muslims are "moderate" or not of the "radical extremist" nature. That leaves around 91 million radical extremists who desire to kill mothers, children, fathers, men, women, etc.
Note the generalities of those words. They don't care who is killed. They have a blood lust. Modern day savages that kill as their answer to religious differences. Indiscriminate killing. Soulless killing.
I read today where an Iraqi policeman went to work and some radical extremists went into his house and murdered his wife and three children. Islam disgusts me.
"Oh my!" you say. "It is not politically correct to say such things." I don't give a shit. Islam is a pathetic excuse for religion. Where is the outcry from the moderates? Where is the daily disgust with the coarse disregard of human life? Moderate Muslims are tellingly quiet. Even the world is pathetically quiet. Where is the human outrage?
Let's pull out their sympathy card. Oh, Muslims were abused way back centuries ago. Name me a group of people who haven't been in the past. The United States came from a people who were escaping persecution. The sad thing is, that same stock of people came to North America and persecuted the natives here.
Every race and culture has had its persecutions and continue to have them. Islam disgusts me because one billion moderates won't stand up, denounce and take action against 91 million assholes. "Assholes" is far too polite a word. Radical extremist Muslims are base, vile, soulless murderers who justify their sordid, low-life blood lust through religion. Yes, the Crusades were just as disgusting. But I ask you - when are YOU living? IF it is now, this present moment, the transgressions of yesteryear are NO JUSTIFICATION for heinous murder.
Until I see otherwise, I equate Islam with murderers. I don't care if 93% are moderate. Until they stand up and demand these pathetic "jihadists" reign themselves in, the moderates are as guilty as the radical extremists. There should be daily, if not multiple times a day where moderates denounce the bloodshed. Anything less appears to me to be silent support.
What I see is moderates quietly saying, "let's let the extremists conquer the world so that we can enforce (note "force" is the dominant aspect of that word) our religious doctrines on the world." Islam desires nothing but the entire world. It's message of hate and murder are all I see and hear.
Islam is disgusting. A violently perverted religion that threatens to rip the very fabric of society to shreds. When Islam achieves its goal of world domination, your life will be dominated by some blood lust-perverted individual's view of how you walk, talk, dress act and think. We'll all live under men like Bin Laden and the low-life Iranian president Ahmadinejad.
What a horrible world for our children. It's coming. Look at Europe. It's here in the States. Cancer. The cancer Islam spreads like the killing beast it is. When we fall, the end of one of the greatest eras in world history will come. Such a shame to fall to such wicked men. The fact they are freely granted their orgy of murder by their very own moderate backers repulses me.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Cattle Prodded Masses
The most confusing item up for bid is - life. This chaotic stroll through existence never ceases to befuddle me. Ok, so that is only partially true. Too often I am overrun by life and desperately grasping for answers so that I don't contemplate my confusion or acknowledge it - but the confusion is always there.
Take the Lockerbie bomber. The asshole kills hundreds, gets life in prison (a miscarriage of justice in and of itself), then gets paroled into the arms of Gaddafi(private jet and all) because he's only got five months to live due to cancer. I've seen people live for years past a five-months-to-live estimate. The man should be dead. Now.
Governments make deals is the conspiracy theory here. This is for the "national or world good" is the insinuation no doubt placed out there by the perpetrators of this ridiculous freeing of a mass murderer. Placate the masses with a "government conspiracy theory". The confusing thing about this is - it works. The outcry dies off quickly. Governments don't make deals. People make deals. Deals are made most often out of self interest. I don't buy for a minute this man's release. I'm confused more at the bovine "I'll buy anything that states government conspiracy" mentality of the masses.
Our world today is a collection of short term memories and instant gratification. Wheedlers, swindlers and evil empires thrive in this environment. I'm confused as to how to combat such passive acceptance by the world population an such greedy, power mongering from the higher ups in the world.
We are duped on a minute by minute basis by people throughout the world who have managed to grab control of us through the dissemination of calculated leaks, conspiracies and outright power grabs. We are truly cattle lead to slaughter. Actually, we are more like the workhorse that provides the labor for rich folk. As long as "they" keep us satisfied" with our little perversions and instant gratifications, we will buy anything. Our outcries will be short and our attention span shorter. "They" will become richer and more powerful, laughing and plotting their next shameful offense.
I am beginning to realize confusion can be power. Confusion may be the jolt we need to stand up as a world population and say, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!". One day. One day.
Take the Lockerbie bomber. The asshole kills hundreds, gets life in prison (a miscarriage of justice in and of itself), then gets paroled into the arms of Gaddafi(private jet and all) because he's only got five months to live due to cancer. I've seen people live for years past a five-months-to-live estimate. The man should be dead. Now.
Governments make deals is the conspiracy theory here. This is for the "national or world good" is the insinuation no doubt placed out there by the perpetrators of this ridiculous freeing of a mass murderer. Placate the masses with a "government conspiracy theory". The confusing thing about this is - it works. The outcry dies off quickly. Governments don't make deals. People make deals. Deals are made most often out of self interest. I don't buy for a minute this man's release. I'm confused more at the bovine "I'll buy anything that states government conspiracy" mentality of the masses.
Our world today is a collection of short term memories and instant gratification. Wheedlers, swindlers and evil empires thrive in this environment. I'm confused as to how to combat such passive acceptance by the world population an such greedy, power mongering from the higher ups in the world.
We are duped on a minute by minute basis by people throughout the world who have managed to grab control of us through the dissemination of calculated leaks, conspiracies and outright power grabs. We are truly cattle lead to slaughter. Actually, we are more like the workhorse that provides the labor for rich folk. As long as "they" keep us satisfied" with our little perversions and instant gratifications, we will buy anything. Our outcries will be short and our attention span shorter. "They" will become richer and more powerful, laughing and plotting their next shameful offense.
I am beginning to realize confusion can be power. Confusion may be the jolt we need to stand up as a world population and say, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!". One day. One day.
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