All I ever desired was to be loved
Nothing else.
No money.
No "things."
No house on the hill.
Ok, so I want the house on the hill
Without love, that house becomes a meaningless shadow
A torment.
A lonely island.
A hell of emotional decay
All I ever desired was to be loved
Am I that bad?
Am I that boring?
Am I that unlovable?
Will loneliness devour my soul?
This is not the canticle of my heart
The song of my life
The joy in my step
The electricity on my lips
This is the realization my dreams of love lay shattered in indifference
All I ever desired was to be loved
There is no love in this life
There is no joy of two as one
There is no hope for tomorrow's quiet peace
Only sadness, loneliness. emptiness.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Monday, December 2, 2013
I don't know why we attempt to figure out other people when we all, and I mean ALL, cannot figure out ourselves. We can figure out some things in life about others, but what is the point if you are so screwed up that you cannot think straight?
I've seen far too many people criticize others when they themselves need major overhauls. Heck, I am in constant need of major overhaul. I must find my way out of death, and there is no way out other than death. Who made up this crap? Who did this to us? If God is so good, why did he do this to us?
The cruelties of life are best summed up by death. I LOVE life far too much, because I know the endgame. There is no way out. There is no love everlasting. I will die and have to leave behind Michele and children and the things I love for what? Pie in the sky heaven?
I don't get heaven. I am more than happy with the love of Michele. With the love of my children. I don't want perfections. Boring. Who wants to walk around without free will? Who wants to walk around without the knowledge that they COULD do something wrong?
Yes, living crime-free and hate-free would be nice...for a while. But then, complacency has to set in. Or else I am not going to be who I am now. Oh, I'll be better...great. I am not a bad person as I am. Why do I want to be someone I am not? After all, it's our flaws that make us each so beautiful.
Gotta run. Lots of other writing and things to do. I'll be back though...
I've seen far too many people criticize others when they themselves need major overhauls. Heck, I am in constant need of major overhaul. I must find my way out of death, and there is no way out other than death. Who made up this crap? Who did this to us? If God is so good, why did he do this to us?
The cruelties of life are best summed up by death. I LOVE life far too much, because I know the endgame. There is no way out. There is no love everlasting. I will die and have to leave behind Michele and children and the things I love for what? Pie in the sky heaven?
I don't get heaven. I am more than happy with the love of Michele. With the love of my children. I don't want perfections. Boring. Who wants to walk around without free will? Who wants to walk around without the knowledge that they COULD do something wrong?
Yes, living crime-free and hate-free would be nice...for a while. But then, complacency has to set in. Or else I am not going to be who I am now. Oh, I'll be better...great. I am not a bad person as I am. Why do I want to be someone I am not? After all, it's our flaws that make us each so beautiful.
Gotta run. Lots of other writing and things to do. I'll be back though...
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Government, For the Government, By the Government...
The American people stand betrayed. Not simply hoodwinked by a corrupt government and a judicial system now a complete "buy-off", but also the corporate greed-mongers and media trend-shifters.
The atrocities of conscience by our government leaves me dumbfounded. From the absolute lie of the Federal Reserve being "federal" and possessing "reserves" both of which represent a mockery of the citizens of this country, to the coverup of incidents like the USS Liberty attack in 1967, the US government no longer presents an image of freedom and stalwart justice.
The United States government all the way down to city municipalities crumble under the weight of corruption, cronyism, and outright manipulations. The United States does not own its own money supply. This fact gets constantly swept from public consciousness by the very people who should correct the situation. Andrew Jackson successfully corrected our "central bank" money issues in 1835. Too bad no one can stand up to the "powers-that-be", most likely foreigners whether they be Chinese, Russian, or from the Arab nations.
Corporations, in conjunction and abetted by our false government, poison the populace with food detrimental to our health, all in the name of profit. Corporations run rampant with greed, avarice, unchecked by anyone but their collusive competitors.
The United States judicial system fell into a farcity of purchased justice many years ago. Pay your way out of trouble replaced justice long ago. The more money you hoard, the more "justice" you can afford.
Media. Ah, the media. Whores, purchased by corporate, private, or government cash to propagandize whatever agenda pays the bucks. Disgusting slants to articles, broadcasts, expose's, that sidle up more to fiction than actual truth.
Where wells up the outrage? Where boils the indignation of the masses? Are we to be coddled, entitled, pampered and deceived into complacency, apathy, and docility for our lifetimes? Everything playing out day-by-day, minute-by-minute in this country screams yes.
The United States cannot find a leader willing to take care of "The People." This is a government 'for the government, by the government' who sells out American values and principles, all to satisfy their human lusts for power and greed.
A pall mall rush to socialism, which has abjectly failed in every attempt by other nations, only serves to pad government employees pockets at the expense of the population. The United States government, along with corporations, foreign interests, a sham of a justice system and media (propaganda) manipulators prostituting themselves to sensationalism with no moral compass, sold out "The People."
No outrage? No leaders standing up like Andrew Jackson? It's a different time? Balderdash. A cop-out of weak-spirited people. The United States fell to complacency, ease, entitlements, greed, apathy, and worse, we lost our souls to those we entrusted with our well-being.
When our own leaders will not use the "affordable care system" they force down the population's throat, there stands a problem. When we are penalized monetarily simply for walking this earth without a "health care" entitlement crammed down our monetary gullet by our corrupt government, we've enslaved ourselves. When our own leaders will not use social security because they set up their own hyper-privilaged golden parachute retirements that run deep into their family lines while "The People" suffer, there stands a problem. When children of our politicians no longer participate in the defense of our country while the same politicians send our young out to be maimed and killed, there stands a problem.
When foreign entities own not only our money supply but our GNP, there stands a problem. When cover-ups by our government of incidents where foreign governments slaughter our own military, there stands a precedent for high treason to this country. Look into the truth of the USS Liberty attack. Disgusting that our President and a Senator called off our own fighter jets on their way to rescue our ship in distress - twice. This is not the only incident of our government allowing the deaths of military personnel to fit their agendas. Then, they blatantly cover up the incident. Happened recently as well, didn't it?
This country will fall. Without a leader willing to stand up to the tsunami of corruption rife within us, we will fall. As the fat-cat politicians pad their pockets and take care of their own, the middle class dwindles to nothing and the poor increase exponentially. This scenario has played out many times throughout history.
As long as the Untied States government purchases complacency through entitlements that make no fiscal sense whatsoever and are abjectly unsustainable, we will fall into the abyss of the hell of what might have been had we "The People" not allowed ourselves to be governed by self-seeking, greed/power mongers who look out for the status quo rather than what best serves "The People."
Just confused at how this nation got here...oh, yeah. I've seen how we got here. Disgusting...
The atrocities of conscience by our government leaves me dumbfounded. From the absolute lie of the Federal Reserve being "federal" and possessing "reserves" both of which represent a mockery of the citizens of this country, to the coverup of incidents like the USS Liberty attack in 1967, the US government no longer presents an image of freedom and stalwart justice.
The United States government all the way down to city municipalities crumble under the weight of corruption, cronyism, and outright manipulations. The United States does not own its own money supply. This fact gets constantly swept from public consciousness by the very people who should correct the situation. Andrew Jackson successfully corrected our "central bank" money issues in 1835. Too bad no one can stand up to the "powers-that-be", most likely foreigners whether they be Chinese, Russian, or from the Arab nations.
Corporations, in conjunction and abetted by our false government, poison the populace with food detrimental to our health, all in the name of profit. Corporations run rampant with greed, avarice, unchecked by anyone but their collusive competitors.
The United States judicial system fell into a farcity of purchased justice many years ago. Pay your way out of trouble replaced justice long ago. The more money you hoard, the more "justice" you can afford.
Media. Ah, the media. Whores, purchased by corporate, private, or government cash to propagandize whatever agenda pays the bucks. Disgusting slants to articles, broadcasts, expose's, that sidle up more to fiction than actual truth.
Where wells up the outrage? Where boils the indignation of the masses? Are we to be coddled, entitled, pampered and deceived into complacency, apathy, and docility for our lifetimes? Everything playing out day-by-day, minute-by-minute in this country screams yes.
The United States cannot find a leader willing to take care of "The People." This is a government 'for the government, by the government' who sells out American values and principles, all to satisfy their human lusts for power and greed.
A pall mall rush to socialism, which has abjectly failed in every attempt by other nations, only serves to pad government employees pockets at the expense of the population. The United States government, along with corporations, foreign interests, a sham of a justice system and media (propaganda) manipulators prostituting themselves to sensationalism with no moral compass, sold out "The People."
No outrage? No leaders standing up like Andrew Jackson? It's a different time? Balderdash. A cop-out of weak-spirited people. The United States fell to complacency, ease, entitlements, greed, apathy, and worse, we lost our souls to those we entrusted with our well-being.
When our own leaders will not use the "affordable care system" they force down the population's throat, there stands a problem. When we are penalized monetarily simply for walking this earth without a "health care" entitlement crammed down our monetary gullet by our corrupt government, we've enslaved ourselves. When our own leaders will not use social security because they set up their own hyper-privilaged golden parachute retirements that run deep into their family lines while "The People" suffer, there stands a problem. When children of our politicians no longer participate in the defense of our country while the same politicians send our young out to be maimed and killed, there stands a problem.
When foreign entities own not only our money supply but our GNP, there stands a problem. When cover-ups by our government of incidents where foreign governments slaughter our own military, there stands a precedent for high treason to this country. Look into the truth of the USS Liberty attack. Disgusting that our President and a Senator called off our own fighter jets on their way to rescue our ship in distress - twice. This is not the only incident of our government allowing the deaths of military personnel to fit their agendas. Then, they blatantly cover up the incident. Happened recently as well, didn't it?
This country will fall. Without a leader willing to stand up to the tsunami of corruption rife within us, we will fall. As the fat-cat politicians pad their pockets and take care of their own, the middle class dwindles to nothing and the poor increase exponentially. This scenario has played out many times throughout history.
As long as the Untied States government purchases complacency through entitlements that make no fiscal sense whatsoever and are abjectly unsustainable, we will fall into the abyss of the hell of what might have been had we "The People" not allowed ourselves to be governed by self-seeking, greed/power mongers who look out for the status quo rather than what best serves "The People."
Just confused at how this nation got here...oh, yeah. I've seen how we got here. Disgusting...
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Insanity on a Deliriously Delicious Scale
For all appearances, too many of us feel work as a burden. A necessary evil. Too many of us adopt the mentality that we cannot make a living doing what we love, therefore we subject ourselves to drudgery.
Money for the sake of money becomes hollow. Work for the sake of work is destined to wither. Ah, but dedication to creation. Dedication to putting forth into this world something of value. Something of impact. Now there's a motivator.
Speaking of motivation, one of my cherished mentors asks me often, "who motivates the motivator?" He recognizes since I inspire and motivate others to write, my own writing suffers. He stands absolutely correct in this observation.
Each of us must face our internal demons who thwart our momentum and motivations. For me, my most significant warden is the "judge" who lives in my head.
This judge tells me my views of my world possess no merit. My thoughts, feelings, observations, and flights of fancy depict nothing more than child's play and should be left to what little spare time I may stumble across.
This judge birthed in my home as a baby, in the school system I attended and excelled in, in the working world where I found success, and in the society that values money and the trappings of comfort far more than humanity and the needs of the heart and soul.
Then there's religion. Is there a more domineering, controlling, judgmental, soul-searing, creativity murdering, out-of-control group of entities on earth? The Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, Muslims, and who knows who else are going around killing each other in the name of a god or gods NONE of them appear to know.
Our governments, corrupt and crippled by greed and power as they are, cannot come close to the damage our precious religions wreak on the world's populace on a minute-by-minute basis. Why? Because religions prey upon peoples' inner weaknesses.
So do governments. I get it. But religions attack in the guise of 'benevolence.' When our religions are all killing each other, doesn't ANYONE see that no one is "right?" Doesn't anyone see the greed, manipulation, dominance, control, and sheer audacity of religions today?
In the end, I stand amazed that the human race has progressed this far. With our internal judges suffering manipulation from parents, family, school, work force, government, and religion, we STILL manage to create and progress.
What would happen if we stopped killing? What would happen if we sacrificially started healing? What would happen if greed and avarice fell to benevolence and charity?
The most sad joke on all humanity must be this: If we collectively expunged our greedy agendas intent on expanding our power and influence, this world could correct itself in shockingly short order. This concept truly qualifies as a sad joke because world peace will never happen. Oh, yeah, religions say world peace will happen, AFTER all the non-believers die...poppycock...death of others is not an answer. If a "creator" god says so, I will defy the 'gods.'
Creation brings with it an obligation and responsibility to nurture the creation. IMHO. Death and suffering mandated by a "creator" is sick. Those who believe their god seeks to smite humans, the very pinnacle of the god's creation, believe in something I cannot.
Odd that the strength of humanity's futile hope of a better world lies with the creativity-inclined. After all these thousands of years, we stand no closer to our answers. In fact, my view is that this collective world of living, breathing, human beings today walk a path away from where we need to be.
Too bad we cannot all be convinced to step back and make a positive impact on our world. What an amazing concept! Think about it. 6 billion people purposing at once to help one another. Insanity on a deliriously delicious scale...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Fear, Suffering, Emotional Basket Case
I am at a loss about fear. I suffer all too often from fear. I write a particularly strong, emotional piece about the inner muse and some views of religion and all the sudden I am reluctant to post. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't want to hide behind the decades-long stance of not offending people and/or possibly bringing their criticism down on me.
We appear to allow ourselves a sick, voluntary coercion, a self-limiting critic that does not allow us to go out of bounds and possibly get something wrong. We hunker down in our pathetic facades of safety by not rocking the boat or questioning everything from our religion to our own personal drive to succeed in life and be happy.
Many of us remain miserable our whole lives and die pathetic deaths, all in the name of anonymity or at best, someone who toed the line. That is screwed up folks. I question everything this day, and in many eyes, this makes my public enemy number one.
I believe I will trek back more and more to this blog and blow off steam. I did just post the 'fear-filled' piece I just wrote. We'll see how it comes out. I may even post back here to let you know...
We appear to allow ourselves a sick, voluntary coercion, a self-limiting critic that does not allow us to go out of bounds and possibly get something wrong. We hunker down in our pathetic facades of safety by not rocking the boat or questioning everything from our religion to our own personal drive to succeed in life and be happy.
Many of us remain miserable our whole lives and die pathetic deaths, all in the name of anonymity or at best, someone who toed the line. That is screwed up folks. I question everything this day, and in many eyes, this makes my public enemy number one.
I believe I will trek back more and more to this blog and blow off steam. I did just post the 'fear-filled' piece I just wrote. We'll see how it comes out. I may even post back here to let you know...
Monday, July 19, 2010
Depression
Did you ever have a day where nothing looks like it will work out well? I don't simply mean walking to the store and rain soaking your brand new $400 suit. I don't mean a traffic accident that totals your only means of transportation. I don't even mean a lengthy stay at the hospital looking at death.
What I'm talking about is complete collapse of everything you've worked for - everything you've dreamed of - and not having the will to start over. I look at my future and I feel like I'm lying to myself.
"Sure! You can do it! Who cares (other than you) that you're 51 and starting to feel it? You have a bright future and soon everyone will see that your masterplan was brilliant!"
What fucking masterplan would that be? Hell, I don't know. I just know life sucks sometimes.
What I'm talking about is complete collapse of everything you've worked for - everything you've dreamed of - and not having the will to start over. I look at my future and I feel like I'm lying to myself.
"Sure! You can do it! Who cares (other than you) that you're 51 and starting to feel it? You have a bright future and soon everyone will see that your masterplan was brilliant!"
What fucking masterplan would that be? Hell, I don't know. I just know life sucks sometimes.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Confusion Says:
Confusion commonly takes root out of a directionless venture. When I'm going somewhere (intangible) and I did not mark out the path I would attempt to take, I get confused. Could be a little Alzheimer's kicking in, but still I drown in a directionless spiral.
Confusion tells me to flee to stupidity. It's amazing how many times I've been there. The path to stupidity is so well-worn, I could find it with my eyes closed (which is precisely how I often get there).
I don't open my eyes to warning signs that I might be on the wrong path. In fact, the path itself feels comfortable, so I trudge it, eventually realizing my folly, and then I fall into despair.
There is hope though. Making a plan and going for it can divert confusion. Confusion may tell you not to do this, not to make plans and follow through, but you must refuse that siren call.
Confusion says: "Stay with me."
You must say: "No."
Confusion tells me to flee to stupidity. It's amazing how many times I've been there. The path to stupidity is so well-worn, I could find it with my eyes closed (which is precisely how I often get there).
I don't open my eyes to warning signs that I might be on the wrong path. In fact, the path itself feels comfortable, so I trudge it, eventually realizing my folly, and then I fall into despair.
There is hope though. Making a plan and going for it can divert confusion. Confusion may tell you not to do this, not to make plans and follow through, but you must refuse that siren call.
Confusion says: "Stay with me."
You must say: "No."
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