All I ever desired was to be loved
Nothing else.
No money.
No "things."
No house on the hill.
Ok, so I want the house on the hill
Without love, that house becomes a meaningless shadow
A torment.
A lonely island.
A hell of emotional decay
All I ever desired was to be loved
Am I that bad?
Am I that boring?
Am I that unlovable?
Will loneliness devour my soul?
This is not the canticle of my heart
The song of my life
The joy in my step
The electricity on my lips
This is the realization my dreams of love lay shattered in indifference
All I ever desired was to be loved
There is no love in this life
There is no joy of two as one
There is no hope for tomorrow's quiet peace
Only sadness, loneliness. emptiness.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Monday, December 2, 2013
I don't know why we attempt to figure out other people when we all, and I mean ALL, cannot figure out ourselves. We can figure out some things in life about others, but what is the point if you are so screwed up that you cannot think straight?
I've seen far too many people criticize others when they themselves need major overhauls. Heck, I am in constant need of major overhaul. I must find my way out of death, and there is no way out other than death. Who made up this crap? Who did this to us? If God is so good, why did he do this to us?
The cruelties of life are best summed up by death. I LOVE life far too much, because I know the endgame. There is no way out. There is no love everlasting. I will die and have to leave behind Michele and children and the things I love for what? Pie in the sky heaven?
I don't get heaven. I am more than happy with the love of Michele. With the love of my children. I don't want perfections. Boring. Who wants to walk around without free will? Who wants to walk around without the knowledge that they COULD do something wrong?
Yes, living crime-free and hate-free would be nice...for a while. But then, complacency has to set in. Or else I am not going to be who I am now. Oh, I'll be better...great. I am not a bad person as I am. Why do I want to be someone I am not? After all, it's our flaws that make us each so beautiful.
Gotta run. Lots of other writing and things to do. I'll be back though...
I've seen far too many people criticize others when they themselves need major overhauls. Heck, I am in constant need of major overhaul. I must find my way out of death, and there is no way out other than death. Who made up this crap? Who did this to us? If God is so good, why did he do this to us?
The cruelties of life are best summed up by death. I LOVE life far too much, because I know the endgame. There is no way out. There is no love everlasting. I will die and have to leave behind Michele and children and the things I love for what? Pie in the sky heaven?
I don't get heaven. I am more than happy with the love of Michele. With the love of my children. I don't want perfections. Boring. Who wants to walk around without free will? Who wants to walk around without the knowledge that they COULD do something wrong?
Yes, living crime-free and hate-free would be nice...for a while. But then, complacency has to set in. Or else I am not going to be who I am now. Oh, I'll be better...great. I am not a bad person as I am. Why do I want to be someone I am not? After all, it's our flaws that make us each so beautiful.
Gotta run. Lots of other writing and things to do. I'll be back though...
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Government, For the Government, By the Government...
The American people stand betrayed. Not simply hoodwinked by a corrupt government and a judicial system now a complete "buy-off", but also the corporate greed-mongers and media trend-shifters.
The atrocities of conscience by our government leaves me dumbfounded. From the absolute lie of the Federal Reserve being "federal" and possessing "reserves" both of which represent a mockery of the citizens of this country, to the coverup of incidents like the USS Liberty attack in 1967, the US government no longer presents an image of freedom and stalwart justice.
The United States government all the way down to city municipalities crumble under the weight of corruption, cronyism, and outright manipulations. The United States does not own its own money supply. This fact gets constantly swept from public consciousness by the very people who should correct the situation. Andrew Jackson successfully corrected our "central bank" money issues in 1835. Too bad no one can stand up to the "powers-that-be", most likely foreigners whether they be Chinese, Russian, or from the Arab nations.
Corporations, in conjunction and abetted by our false government, poison the populace with food detrimental to our health, all in the name of profit. Corporations run rampant with greed, avarice, unchecked by anyone but their collusive competitors.
The United States judicial system fell into a farcity of purchased justice many years ago. Pay your way out of trouble replaced justice long ago. The more money you hoard, the more "justice" you can afford.
Media. Ah, the media. Whores, purchased by corporate, private, or government cash to propagandize whatever agenda pays the bucks. Disgusting slants to articles, broadcasts, expose's, that sidle up more to fiction than actual truth.
Where wells up the outrage? Where boils the indignation of the masses? Are we to be coddled, entitled, pampered and deceived into complacency, apathy, and docility for our lifetimes? Everything playing out day-by-day, minute-by-minute in this country screams yes.
The United States cannot find a leader willing to take care of "The People." This is a government 'for the government, by the government' who sells out American values and principles, all to satisfy their human lusts for power and greed.
A pall mall rush to socialism, which has abjectly failed in every attempt by other nations, only serves to pad government employees pockets at the expense of the population. The United States government, along with corporations, foreign interests, a sham of a justice system and media (propaganda) manipulators prostituting themselves to sensationalism with no moral compass, sold out "The People."
No outrage? No leaders standing up like Andrew Jackson? It's a different time? Balderdash. A cop-out of weak-spirited people. The United States fell to complacency, ease, entitlements, greed, apathy, and worse, we lost our souls to those we entrusted with our well-being.
When our own leaders will not use the "affordable care system" they force down the population's throat, there stands a problem. When we are penalized monetarily simply for walking this earth without a "health care" entitlement crammed down our monetary gullet by our corrupt government, we've enslaved ourselves. When our own leaders will not use social security because they set up their own hyper-privilaged golden parachute retirements that run deep into their family lines while "The People" suffer, there stands a problem. When children of our politicians no longer participate in the defense of our country while the same politicians send our young out to be maimed and killed, there stands a problem.
When foreign entities own not only our money supply but our GNP, there stands a problem. When cover-ups by our government of incidents where foreign governments slaughter our own military, there stands a precedent for high treason to this country. Look into the truth of the USS Liberty attack. Disgusting that our President and a Senator called off our own fighter jets on their way to rescue our ship in distress - twice. This is not the only incident of our government allowing the deaths of military personnel to fit their agendas. Then, they blatantly cover up the incident. Happened recently as well, didn't it?
This country will fall. Without a leader willing to stand up to the tsunami of corruption rife within us, we will fall. As the fat-cat politicians pad their pockets and take care of their own, the middle class dwindles to nothing and the poor increase exponentially. This scenario has played out many times throughout history.
As long as the Untied States government purchases complacency through entitlements that make no fiscal sense whatsoever and are abjectly unsustainable, we will fall into the abyss of the hell of what might have been had we "The People" not allowed ourselves to be governed by self-seeking, greed/power mongers who look out for the status quo rather than what best serves "The People."
Just confused at how this nation got here...oh, yeah. I've seen how we got here. Disgusting...
The atrocities of conscience by our government leaves me dumbfounded. From the absolute lie of the Federal Reserve being "federal" and possessing "reserves" both of which represent a mockery of the citizens of this country, to the coverup of incidents like the USS Liberty attack in 1967, the US government no longer presents an image of freedom and stalwart justice.
The United States government all the way down to city municipalities crumble under the weight of corruption, cronyism, and outright manipulations. The United States does not own its own money supply. This fact gets constantly swept from public consciousness by the very people who should correct the situation. Andrew Jackson successfully corrected our "central bank" money issues in 1835. Too bad no one can stand up to the "powers-that-be", most likely foreigners whether they be Chinese, Russian, or from the Arab nations.
Corporations, in conjunction and abetted by our false government, poison the populace with food detrimental to our health, all in the name of profit. Corporations run rampant with greed, avarice, unchecked by anyone but their collusive competitors.
The United States judicial system fell into a farcity of purchased justice many years ago. Pay your way out of trouble replaced justice long ago. The more money you hoard, the more "justice" you can afford.
Media. Ah, the media. Whores, purchased by corporate, private, or government cash to propagandize whatever agenda pays the bucks. Disgusting slants to articles, broadcasts, expose's, that sidle up more to fiction than actual truth.
Where wells up the outrage? Where boils the indignation of the masses? Are we to be coddled, entitled, pampered and deceived into complacency, apathy, and docility for our lifetimes? Everything playing out day-by-day, minute-by-minute in this country screams yes.
The United States cannot find a leader willing to take care of "The People." This is a government 'for the government, by the government' who sells out American values and principles, all to satisfy their human lusts for power and greed.
A pall mall rush to socialism, which has abjectly failed in every attempt by other nations, only serves to pad government employees pockets at the expense of the population. The United States government, along with corporations, foreign interests, a sham of a justice system and media (propaganda) manipulators prostituting themselves to sensationalism with no moral compass, sold out "The People."
No outrage? No leaders standing up like Andrew Jackson? It's a different time? Balderdash. A cop-out of weak-spirited people. The United States fell to complacency, ease, entitlements, greed, apathy, and worse, we lost our souls to those we entrusted with our well-being.
When our own leaders will not use the "affordable care system" they force down the population's throat, there stands a problem. When we are penalized monetarily simply for walking this earth without a "health care" entitlement crammed down our monetary gullet by our corrupt government, we've enslaved ourselves. When our own leaders will not use social security because they set up their own hyper-privilaged golden parachute retirements that run deep into their family lines while "The People" suffer, there stands a problem. When children of our politicians no longer participate in the defense of our country while the same politicians send our young out to be maimed and killed, there stands a problem.
When foreign entities own not only our money supply but our GNP, there stands a problem. When cover-ups by our government of incidents where foreign governments slaughter our own military, there stands a precedent for high treason to this country. Look into the truth of the USS Liberty attack. Disgusting that our President and a Senator called off our own fighter jets on their way to rescue our ship in distress - twice. This is not the only incident of our government allowing the deaths of military personnel to fit their agendas. Then, they blatantly cover up the incident. Happened recently as well, didn't it?
This country will fall. Without a leader willing to stand up to the tsunami of corruption rife within us, we will fall. As the fat-cat politicians pad their pockets and take care of their own, the middle class dwindles to nothing and the poor increase exponentially. This scenario has played out many times throughout history.
As long as the Untied States government purchases complacency through entitlements that make no fiscal sense whatsoever and are abjectly unsustainable, we will fall into the abyss of the hell of what might have been had we "The People" not allowed ourselves to be governed by self-seeking, greed/power mongers who look out for the status quo rather than what best serves "The People."
Just confused at how this nation got here...oh, yeah. I've seen how we got here. Disgusting...
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Insanity on a Deliriously Delicious Scale
For all appearances, too many of us feel work as a burden. A necessary evil. Too many of us adopt the mentality that we cannot make a living doing what we love, therefore we subject ourselves to drudgery.
Money for the sake of money becomes hollow. Work for the sake of work is destined to wither. Ah, but dedication to creation. Dedication to putting forth into this world something of value. Something of impact. Now there's a motivator.
Speaking of motivation, one of my cherished mentors asks me often, "who motivates the motivator?" He recognizes since I inspire and motivate others to write, my own writing suffers. He stands absolutely correct in this observation.
Each of us must face our internal demons who thwart our momentum and motivations. For me, my most significant warden is the "judge" who lives in my head.
This judge tells me my views of my world possess no merit. My thoughts, feelings, observations, and flights of fancy depict nothing more than child's play and should be left to what little spare time I may stumble across.
This judge birthed in my home as a baby, in the school system I attended and excelled in, in the working world where I found success, and in the society that values money and the trappings of comfort far more than humanity and the needs of the heart and soul.
Then there's religion. Is there a more domineering, controlling, judgmental, soul-searing, creativity murdering, out-of-control group of entities on earth? The Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, Muslims, and who knows who else are going around killing each other in the name of a god or gods NONE of them appear to know.
Our governments, corrupt and crippled by greed and power as they are, cannot come close to the damage our precious religions wreak on the world's populace on a minute-by-minute basis. Why? Because religions prey upon peoples' inner weaknesses.
So do governments. I get it. But religions attack in the guise of 'benevolence.' When our religions are all killing each other, doesn't ANYONE see that no one is "right?" Doesn't anyone see the greed, manipulation, dominance, control, and sheer audacity of religions today?
In the end, I stand amazed that the human race has progressed this far. With our internal judges suffering manipulation from parents, family, school, work force, government, and religion, we STILL manage to create and progress.
What would happen if we stopped killing? What would happen if we sacrificially started healing? What would happen if greed and avarice fell to benevolence and charity?
The most sad joke on all humanity must be this: If we collectively expunged our greedy agendas intent on expanding our power and influence, this world could correct itself in shockingly short order. This concept truly qualifies as a sad joke because world peace will never happen. Oh, yeah, religions say world peace will happen, AFTER all the non-believers die...poppycock...death of others is not an answer. If a "creator" god says so, I will defy the 'gods.'
Creation brings with it an obligation and responsibility to nurture the creation. IMHO. Death and suffering mandated by a "creator" is sick. Those who believe their god seeks to smite humans, the very pinnacle of the god's creation, believe in something I cannot.
Odd that the strength of humanity's futile hope of a better world lies with the creativity-inclined. After all these thousands of years, we stand no closer to our answers. In fact, my view is that this collective world of living, breathing, human beings today walk a path away from where we need to be.
Too bad we cannot all be convinced to step back and make a positive impact on our world. What an amazing concept! Think about it. 6 billion people purposing at once to help one another. Insanity on a deliriously delicious scale...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Fear, Suffering, Emotional Basket Case
I am at a loss about fear. I suffer all too often from fear. I write a particularly strong, emotional piece about the inner muse and some views of religion and all the sudden I am reluctant to post. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't want to hide behind the decades-long stance of not offending people and/or possibly bringing their criticism down on me.
We appear to allow ourselves a sick, voluntary coercion, a self-limiting critic that does not allow us to go out of bounds and possibly get something wrong. We hunker down in our pathetic facades of safety by not rocking the boat or questioning everything from our religion to our own personal drive to succeed in life and be happy.
Many of us remain miserable our whole lives and die pathetic deaths, all in the name of anonymity or at best, someone who toed the line. That is screwed up folks. I question everything this day, and in many eyes, this makes my public enemy number one.
I believe I will trek back more and more to this blog and blow off steam. I did just post the 'fear-filled' piece I just wrote. We'll see how it comes out. I may even post back here to let you know...
We appear to allow ourselves a sick, voluntary coercion, a self-limiting critic that does not allow us to go out of bounds and possibly get something wrong. We hunker down in our pathetic facades of safety by not rocking the boat or questioning everything from our religion to our own personal drive to succeed in life and be happy.
Many of us remain miserable our whole lives and die pathetic deaths, all in the name of anonymity or at best, someone who toed the line. That is screwed up folks. I question everything this day, and in many eyes, this makes my public enemy number one.
I believe I will trek back more and more to this blog and blow off steam. I did just post the 'fear-filled' piece I just wrote. We'll see how it comes out. I may even post back here to let you know...
Monday, July 19, 2010
Depression
Did you ever have a day where nothing looks like it will work out well? I don't simply mean walking to the store and rain soaking your brand new $400 suit. I don't mean a traffic accident that totals your only means of transportation. I don't even mean a lengthy stay at the hospital looking at death.
What I'm talking about is complete collapse of everything you've worked for - everything you've dreamed of - and not having the will to start over. I look at my future and I feel like I'm lying to myself.
"Sure! You can do it! Who cares (other than you) that you're 51 and starting to feel it? You have a bright future and soon everyone will see that your masterplan was brilliant!"
What fucking masterplan would that be? Hell, I don't know. I just know life sucks sometimes.
What I'm talking about is complete collapse of everything you've worked for - everything you've dreamed of - and not having the will to start over. I look at my future and I feel like I'm lying to myself.
"Sure! You can do it! Who cares (other than you) that you're 51 and starting to feel it? You have a bright future and soon everyone will see that your masterplan was brilliant!"
What fucking masterplan would that be? Hell, I don't know. I just know life sucks sometimes.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Confusion Says:
Confusion commonly takes root out of a directionless venture. When I'm going somewhere (intangible) and I did not mark out the path I would attempt to take, I get confused. Could be a little Alzheimer's kicking in, but still I drown in a directionless spiral.
Confusion tells me to flee to stupidity. It's amazing how many times I've been there. The path to stupidity is so well-worn, I could find it with my eyes closed (which is precisely how I often get there).
I don't open my eyes to warning signs that I might be on the wrong path. In fact, the path itself feels comfortable, so I trudge it, eventually realizing my folly, and then I fall into despair.
There is hope though. Making a plan and going for it can divert confusion. Confusion may tell you not to do this, not to make plans and follow through, but you must refuse that siren call.
Confusion says: "Stay with me."
You must say: "No."
Confusion tells me to flee to stupidity. It's amazing how many times I've been there. The path to stupidity is so well-worn, I could find it with my eyes closed (which is precisely how I often get there).
I don't open my eyes to warning signs that I might be on the wrong path. In fact, the path itself feels comfortable, so I trudge it, eventually realizing my folly, and then I fall into despair.
There is hope though. Making a plan and going for it can divert confusion. Confusion may tell you not to do this, not to make plans and follow through, but you must refuse that siren call.
Confusion says: "Stay with me."
You must say: "No."
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Last Frontier
My thoughts are that the only true "last frontier" is the human mind. So much of our brain goes supposedly "unused". While this has been explored by many, and of course, many minds far more intelligent than I, my feeling is that we do not come anywhere near our ultimate potential.
The person who unlocks that secret, unlocks the gateway to eternity...
The person who unlocks that secret, unlocks the gateway to eternity...
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Keep the Passion Going
Writers hearts lend themselves to any emotion drifting in on drama winds. We allow our personal traumas, or perceived traumas, to control key aspects of our lives, like our fingers, for instance.
We should sit behind our glowing monitors, slapping out letters like Babe Ruth on steroids, creating base hits, doubles, triples and the occasional homeruns, but all too often we mope about, derelict wanderers sailing the white-screen waters of oblivion.
Have you ever slumped into your writing chair, fired up all the components of your craft and felt like drowning in electronic white-out? (Younger folks - never mind...).
The writer's freeze deserted me years ago when I learned the simple way out of that particular dilemma. Simple, but like anything else in life, not as easy as one would hope. How do you escape the 'white zone'?
Write through it. Are we writers or are we cowards? Often writers appear to fear the corrupt and otherwise disorderly sentence. We cringe at the thought that crap emerges from our fingertips, yet emerge it does.
Writer's block exists as an excuse for writers to flee their craft. Why would a writer do that? Fear. Laziness. Low self-esteem. Anxiety. Sex. (Ok, I'll buy into that last one...)
'Writing the muse' tosses a writer's heart off a high mountain ledge with our keystrokes wings keeping us aloft. We soar and dip and thermal and flip and joyfully glee in all we write.
Somehow eventually we lose control, the muse flits to some other bird and we flounder about more like a fish on concrete than that eagle so majestic. Writer's block rears its foolish head playing tricks on our minds, convincing us we own no talent nor do we command any brilliance.
And we listen. We should stuff our ears with cotton prose and blather like a child ignoring a sibling. We should run as far as our nimble fingers can key us, to a land we create in the very face of such an enemy. We should spite the block AND the muse.
Amazing as this may sound, the block and the muse occupy the offices of both ally and foe. The block as a foe stands apparent, but as an ally, the block can inspire. When writers become blocked, they can use the situation as a call to free-write - to step away from tedium and simply write their mind as it flies hither and yon. The block can whisk you away to exotic places, dark intimacies or violent passions.
The muse as foe? I hear you saying I'm nuts. Writers rely on this Tinkerbell too much. The muse wows us with her divine presence, then leaves our sails flat and windless at her whim. We then either sulk through our white writing ocean going nowhere, or we begin blowing on our own sails. We rig an oar out of discarded pens and pencils and flee yet again to the free-write where anything goes.
The muse will not keep our passions flowing. The block cannot stop them. Once a writer understands he or she has complete control, both the muse and the block become allies we can rely upon. Our passions then rely on the one person they should - us.
We should sit behind our glowing monitors, slapping out letters like Babe Ruth on steroids, creating base hits, doubles, triples and the occasional homeruns, but all too often we mope about, derelict wanderers sailing the white-screen waters of oblivion.
Have you ever slumped into your writing chair, fired up all the components of your craft and felt like drowning in electronic white-out? (Younger folks - never mind...).
The writer's freeze deserted me years ago when I learned the simple way out of that particular dilemma. Simple, but like anything else in life, not as easy as one would hope. How do you escape the 'white zone'?
Write through it. Are we writers or are we cowards? Often writers appear to fear the corrupt and otherwise disorderly sentence. We cringe at the thought that crap emerges from our fingertips, yet emerge it does.
Writer's block exists as an excuse for writers to flee their craft. Why would a writer do that? Fear. Laziness. Low self-esteem. Anxiety. Sex. (Ok, I'll buy into that last one...)
'Writing the muse' tosses a writer's heart off a high mountain ledge with our keystrokes wings keeping us aloft. We soar and dip and thermal and flip and joyfully glee in all we write.
Somehow eventually we lose control, the muse flits to some other bird and we flounder about more like a fish on concrete than that eagle so majestic. Writer's block rears its foolish head playing tricks on our minds, convincing us we own no talent nor do we command any brilliance.
And we listen. We should stuff our ears with cotton prose and blather like a child ignoring a sibling. We should run as far as our nimble fingers can key us, to a land we create in the very face of such an enemy. We should spite the block AND the muse.
Amazing as this may sound, the block and the muse occupy the offices of both ally and foe. The block as a foe stands apparent, but as an ally, the block can inspire. When writers become blocked, they can use the situation as a call to free-write - to step away from tedium and simply write their mind as it flies hither and yon. The block can whisk you away to exotic places, dark intimacies or violent passions.
The muse as foe? I hear you saying I'm nuts. Writers rely on this Tinkerbell too much. The muse wows us with her divine presence, then leaves our sails flat and windless at her whim. We then either sulk through our white writing ocean going nowhere, or we begin blowing on our own sails. We rig an oar out of discarded pens and pencils and flee yet again to the free-write where anything goes.
The muse will not keep our passions flowing. The block cannot stop them. Once a writer understands he or she has complete control, both the muse and the block become allies we can rely upon. Our passions then rely on the one person they should - us.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Writing is Life
Writing is life. Writing extracts that which darkens our souls and lends light to those blackened remnants of our passions. Without writing we go postal. Without writing we go psychotic. Without writing we visit counsellors, psychiatrists, priests and confidantes.
Life should be experienced from the inside. We should learn to describe our world and emotions from an internal perspective - not the external emotional bloodbath of movies, television, books and the like. We desperately search out kindred feelings but we're unable to express that which lies deep within us.
Writing teaches us to reach down, to grab a handful of the hodge-podge trapped within and release it to the wind. Who cares if anyone reads? Who cares if only the electrons check out your sad state of affairs. Once these vile gases leak out, the pressure within diminishes. Freedom then springs upon us like a flower in May. Beautiful change and silken laughter become available to us once again.
All because we care enough for ourselves to write. Write it down people. Get it out. Save yourself.
Life should be experienced from the inside. We should learn to describe our world and emotions from an internal perspective - not the external emotional bloodbath of movies, television, books and the like. We desperately search out kindred feelings but we're unable to express that which lies deep within us.
Writing teaches us to reach down, to grab a handful of the hodge-podge trapped within and release it to the wind. Who cares if anyone reads? Who cares if only the electrons check out your sad state of affairs. Once these vile gases leak out, the pressure within diminishes. Freedom then springs upon us like a flower in May. Beautiful change and silken laughter become available to us once again.
All because we care enough for ourselves to write. Write it down people. Get it out. Save yourself.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
More Pain
When did I become a doormat? This really confuses me. When did I get to the point where some ungrateful bitch holds power over my emotions. That sounds really "judgemental" doesn't it? That sounds really "Oh, you're a bad boy who deserves everything he gets" kind of guy, doesn't it?
What if I don't deserve it? What if she really IS a bitch, a self-centered, money-grubbing, back-stabbing, unbalanced bitch.
Why would you be with someone like that, sonny?
Fuck you.
That kind of language is probably why she's actin' that way sonny.
Fuck you again.
What're you gonna do about it, eh? You gonna get all tough guy and posture and cock around like some rooster?
What the ....? No. She can go to hell.
Oh, now that solves everything.
Ok, ok. You want to know what I'm going to do? You see that - "going" - not some punk-ass non-word like "gonna". I'm going to get myself together. I'm going to hold my head high and go on with my life. I already told her that I didn't deserve to be treated the way she treated me and that I don't appreciate it. All she can do is respond like the sorry, low-life bitch she had become. It's a shame when a person's words don't live the person's life. She talks a great game, but in the end, she's just a lame, broken down cow that is bitter, untrusting, untrustworthy, short-sighted woman who's in this life thing for whatever she can grab and it doesn't matter who she tramples to get it as long as she doesn't have to work to hard for it. Fuck her and the sorry negativity she brings into this sordid world.
I may be seeing some glimmer of life in you sonny boy. Maybe she IS a bitch and you WERE wronged. Whatcha gonna do about it?
I thought I just told you.
No, what are you going to do with the pain. The hurt. The crushing blow your heart felt when she crushed it with her bitch hammer.
Oh that.
Yea, that.
I'm going to nourish it, take care of it, and watch it die with each step I take to make my life better. The hole has been there in my heart before. I know how to heal it.
I thought so sonny.
You're not so bad once you get going.
And you are not as bad as she makes you out to be son. Don't allow her to steal your passion. Make her fuel it. And don't you believe a word she says. She's as full of shit as the next fellow. She just doesn't know it.
Ignorant . . .
Now now.
Thanks.
Anytime.
What if I don't deserve it? What if she really IS a bitch, a self-centered, money-grubbing, back-stabbing, unbalanced bitch.
Why would you be with someone like that, sonny?
Fuck you.
That kind of language is probably why she's actin' that way sonny.
Fuck you again.
What're you gonna do about it, eh? You gonna get all tough guy and posture and cock around like some rooster?
What the ....? No. She can go to hell.
Oh, now that solves everything.
Ok, ok. You want to know what I'm going to do? You see that - "going" - not some punk-ass non-word like "gonna". I'm going to get myself together. I'm going to hold my head high and go on with my life. I already told her that I didn't deserve to be treated the way she treated me and that I don't appreciate it. All she can do is respond like the sorry, low-life bitch she had become. It's a shame when a person's words don't live the person's life. She talks a great game, but in the end, she's just a lame, broken down cow that is bitter, untrusting, untrustworthy, short-sighted woman who's in this life thing for whatever she can grab and it doesn't matter who she tramples to get it as long as she doesn't have to work to hard for it. Fuck her and the sorry negativity she brings into this sordid world.
I may be seeing some glimmer of life in you sonny boy. Maybe she IS a bitch and you WERE wronged. Whatcha gonna do about it?
I thought I just told you.
No, what are you going to do with the pain. The hurt. The crushing blow your heart felt when she crushed it with her bitch hammer.
Oh that.
Yea, that.
I'm going to nourish it, take care of it, and watch it die with each step I take to make my life better. The hole has been there in my heart before. I know how to heal it.
I thought so sonny.
You're not so bad once you get going.
And you are not as bad as she makes you out to be son. Don't allow her to steal your passion. Make her fuel it. And don't you believe a word she says. She's as full of shit as the next fellow. She just doesn't know it.
Ignorant . . .
Now now.
Thanks.
Anytime.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Pain
Ever been blindsided by someone you've bent over backwards for? Ever been devastated emotionally because you believed that this person would never forget all the good you did for them and turn on you like a cornered badger?
When this happens, my confusion skyrockets. I suppose I believe people will treat kindness well all the days of your life. Kindness is only a temporal phenomena it seems. Life becomes a series of "what have you done for me lately" acts that eventually tumble and fall like all things on this earth.
It still hurts when it happens though. The pain of cruel words and more cruel intent dig deeper from those you believe like you. Their actions make you question whether you are doing the right thing in life by giving a person a hand up. Once on their feet they often seem to bite that hand. Then they'll defend their actions with some internal logic that makes no sense in the real world.
I had my day handed to me with force right in the gut today. I suppose I shouldn't have questioned why the person was so upset with someone on Facebook. I couldn't see the reason, so I made my observations and asked what was up.
I got blasted. What's worse, I got blasted because I hadn't read the comment thread between the two people. Their conversation got heated. Had I read that, I would have known why. I was handed my head and told I was a really good friend but ...
When will people learn the damaging power of that word? But is nothing but a brutal word for everything nice I said about you is not true. I suppose I should not get so upset. After all, this person was just taking advantage of me anyway. There's a certain amount of unhappiness that comes with putting yourself out there. I just wish the pain did not have to come my way. I don't like being hurt, especially when I know the person who did it will never own up and truly apologize.
I'll have to eat the pain and move on. Then, as always seems to happen, you have to interact with the person afterward. Both of you pretend nothing happened but the distance grows and you end up going your separate ways.
I loathe conflict. I loathe the fact that the very people who befriend you are the ones you'll eventually have to deal with on a battlefield of words, ideals and emotions. There is no peace in this life. And there is no pain like the pain of the heart.
When this happens, my confusion skyrockets. I suppose I believe people will treat kindness well all the days of your life. Kindness is only a temporal phenomena it seems. Life becomes a series of "what have you done for me lately" acts that eventually tumble and fall like all things on this earth.
It still hurts when it happens though. The pain of cruel words and more cruel intent dig deeper from those you believe like you. Their actions make you question whether you are doing the right thing in life by giving a person a hand up. Once on their feet they often seem to bite that hand. Then they'll defend their actions with some internal logic that makes no sense in the real world.
I had my day handed to me with force right in the gut today. I suppose I shouldn't have questioned why the person was so upset with someone on Facebook. I couldn't see the reason, so I made my observations and asked what was up.
I got blasted. What's worse, I got blasted because I hadn't read the comment thread between the two people. Their conversation got heated. Had I read that, I would have known why. I was handed my head and told I was a really good friend but ...
When will people learn the damaging power of that word? But is nothing but a brutal word for everything nice I said about you is not true. I suppose I should not get so upset. After all, this person was just taking advantage of me anyway. There's a certain amount of unhappiness that comes with putting yourself out there. I just wish the pain did not have to come my way. I don't like being hurt, especially when I know the person who did it will never own up and truly apologize.
I'll have to eat the pain and move on. Then, as always seems to happen, you have to interact with the person afterward. Both of you pretend nothing happened but the distance grows and you end up going your separate ways.
I loathe conflict. I loathe the fact that the very people who befriend you are the ones you'll eventually have to deal with on a battlefield of words, ideals and emotions. There is no peace in this life. And there is no pain like the pain of the heart.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
How Did We Get Here?
I just looked over my titles of recent blogs - Cattle Prodded Masses, Islam - An Orgy of Murder, I Am the Last Confused Man - and I realize I have a gift for titles that grab. Too bad no one reads them. The good thing so far is the content hasn't been deemed worthless. Of course, one day that may come to pass. Someone may actually stumble across this writing and respond with, "Oh my god, this blog is crap!"
Writers live with that stigma hanging over their heads. We write and write and write and often it sucks. Then we hit that moment of lucidity where all the planets line up, God Himself gives his blessing, the masses are in a funk and boom! there is a gem to capture everyone's attention - for a moment.
Criticize writers all you want. At least we have the balls to put it out there. At least we have an attention span long enough to contemplate more than our next party, meal, screw, game or whatever distraction is top on everyone's list in THEIR particular moment. Society today lives like it will never die.
I'm not attempting to be morbid, but do you really have nothing better to do than watch 36 hours of football over the weekend? Or how about 100 hours of TV a week? This shit is ROBBING YOU. This shit IS STEALING YOU LIFE!
I'm a football and basketball fan. Hell, even Tiger Woods has made my sports window. But I look back over my life and wonder at all the hours I used to spend watching SOMEONE ELSE DO SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO! Give me a basketball and a hoop over watching the prissy-assed pampered NBA millionaires any day.
I suck at golf, but I love the serenity of the manicured courses. I love the challenge of attempting an excellent drive or a putt of any kind. In football, there is nothing like a perfect spiral settling into someones' outstretched arms or making that one-handed grab in stride.
Screw television. How many times have we been told "TV is the great wasteland". This has been a quiet little voice for decades. Are we going to continue to avoid life by living through electrons presented to us by people who "have our number?"
Do you realize you are programmed by government and corporations? Oh my god, he's on a "big brother conspiracy kick!" Wake up people! I'm not presenting fiction! Step away from your television for three weeks. Turn it off and get a life. See what I'm talking about.
We have a world. We have beauty all around us. There are smells, tastes, concepts, relationships and countless other aspects of LIVING that we deny each time we sit in front of an ever-more technologically enhanced BOX and allow anything resembling life to leach away into fat cells and dulled minds.
So sure, criticize the writer. Make fun of his or her manic ideas of freedom to live and breathe without electrons dominating our life. Criticize the opinions we dare to form and put out there for consumption. At least we're paying attention and are brave enough to express our thoughts.
This is my rant and confusion for the day - How did we get here? How did we get to the point that life is not a short gig and beauty is something to be viewed antiseptically.
Writers live with that stigma hanging over their heads. We write and write and write and often it sucks. Then we hit that moment of lucidity where all the planets line up, God Himself gives his blessing, the masses are in a funk and boom! there is a gem to capture everyone's attention - for a moment.
Criticize writers all you want. At least we have the balls to put it out there. At least we have an attention span long enough to contemplate more than our next party, meal, screw, game or whatever distraction is top on everyone's list in THEIR particular moment. Society today lives like it will never die.
I'm not attempting to be morbid, but do you really have nothing better to do than watch 36 hours of football over the weekend? Or how about 100 hours of TV a week? This shit is ROBBING YOU. This shit IS STEALING YOU LIFE!
I'm a football and basketball fan. Hell, even Tiger Woods has made my sports window. But I look back over my life and wonder at all the hours I used to spend watching SOMEONE ELSE DO SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO! Give me a basketball and a hoop over watching the prissy-assed pampered NBA millionaires any day.
I suck at golf, but I love the serenity of the manicured courses. I love the challenge of attempting an excellent drive or a putt of any kind. In football, there is nothing like a perfect spiral settling into someones' outstretched arms or making that one-handed grab in stride.
Screw television. How many times have we been told "TV is the great wasteland". This has been a quiet little voice for decades. Are we going to continue to avoid life by living through electrons presented to us by people who "have our number?"
Do you realize you are programmed by government and corporations? Oh my god, he's on a "big brother conspiracy kick!" Wake up people! I'm not presenting fiction! Step away from your television for three weeks. Turn it off and get a life. See what I'm talking about.
We have a world. We have beauty all around us. There are smells, tastes, concepts, relationships and countless other aspects of LIVING that we deny each time we sit in front of an ever-more technologically enhanced BOX and allow anything resembling life to leach away into fat cells and dulled minds.
So sure, criticize the writer. Make fun of his or her manic ideas of freedom to live and breathe without electrons dominating our life. Criticize the opinions we dare to form and put out there for consumption. At least we're paying attention and are brave enough to express our thoughts.
This is my rant and confusion for the day - How did we get here? How did we get to the point that life is not a short gig and beauty is something to be viewed antiseptically.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Exposure to Myself
Why am I doing this? The odds of anyone finding this blog are slim. I'm not advertising it. Anyone who reads this will basically have to stumble across it. Who knows. Thirty years from now when I'm old, feeble or dead, someone may discover my confused ramblings and call them art. Or not.
This evening, my confusion lies within. Ok, so that's confusion's usual location, but this one strikes at my heart. Why do I fear and love public speaking? Why do I subject myself to the rigors of writing and giving a speech and all the stress this involves? Yet, somewhere I receive great satisfaction from speaking. I'm sure the satisfaction stems from the accomplishment.
Two weeks from now I will be giving a speech at the Toastmasters Division 84 Humorous Speech Contest. My speech will not be humorous as I am the "test" speaker for the Evaluation Contest. This is an honor and a challenge. I will have plenty of time to get a speech together and deliver it on the largest stage of my speaking career to this point. The challenge is there. The fear is hiding. Why is that?
Fear usually freezes me and screams, "You can't do this you fool! You're terrified to speak in front of strangers!" Is it that I'm still too far out from the speech date to be concerned? What will my speech be about? Do I wish to dazzle them with brilliance or baffle them with bullshit.
I'm not sure I own the capability to dazzle or baffle. Something tells me I'll do well. This is not the normal modus operandi of my emotional self. I am usually cowering in the shadow of potential failure or embarrassment. I recently spoke twice at Toastmasters, so possibly the proximity to having given a couple speeches has me confident. I just hope this sticks around.
Having keyed this, I realize I may have placed key words like "Toastmasters" and "speech" in here. Someone doing a Google search may find my little hideaway blog. If you are that person, have pity on my ramblings. I'm a published author that needs a vent space. This is my dumping ground. There's no telling what you'll find here. No telling whether it'll be worth reading, but as any writer knows - it is WELL worth the writing.
Writers MUST have the opportunity to vent. To dump garbage. To be opinionated when they are stifled elsewhere. Nothing like the digital age to help us along. I want to knock these people's socks off. I want them to know I'm a viable force in the speaking world. I'm just now realizing I may have turned the corner and finally come into my own as a speaker. This next speech will tell the tale ...
This evening, my confusion lies within. Ok, so that's confusion's usual location, but this one strikes at my heart. Why do I fear and love public speaking? Why do I subject myself to the rigors of writing and giving a speech and all the stress this involves? Yet, somewhere I receive great satisfaction from speaking. I'm sure the satisfaction stems from the accomplishment.
Two weeks from now I will be giving a speech at the Toastmasters Division 84 Humorous Speech Contest. My speech will not be humorous as I am the "test" speaker for the Evaluation Contest. This is an honor and a challenge. I will have plenty of time to get a speech together and deliver it on the largest stage of my speaking career to this point. The challenge is there. The fear is hiding. Why is that?
Fear usually freezes me and screams, "You can't do this you fool! You're terrified to speak in front of strangers!" Is it that I'm still too far out from the speech date to be concerned? What will my speech be about? Do I wish to dazzle them with brilliance or baffle them with bullshit.
I'm not sure I own the capability to dazzle or baffle. Something tells me I'll do well. This is not the normal modus operandi of my emotional self. I am usually cowering in the shadow of potential failure or embarrassment. I recently spoke twice at Toastmasters, so possibly the proximity to having given a couple speeches has me confident. I just hope this sticks around.
Having keyed this, I realize I may have placed key words like "Toastmasters" and "speech" in here. Someone doing a Google search may find my little hideaway blog. If you are that person, have pity on my ramblings. I'm a published author that needs a vent space. This is my dumping ground. There's no telling what you'll find here. No telling whether it'll be worth reading, but as any writer knows - it is WELL worth the writing.
Writers MUST have the opportunity to vent. To dump garbage. To be opinionated when they are stifled elsewhere. Nothing like the digital age to help us along. I want to knock these people's socks off. I want them to know I'm a viable force in the speaking world. I'm just now realizing I may have turned the corner and finally come into my own as a speaker. This next speech will tell the tale ...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Of Writing and Confusion
As I stare into the radiation bombarding my eyes from my monitor, I muse over the day and wonder at how I think I'll ever make a living as a writer. I am ill suited to the discipline required to work well on my own. No time clock, no pressure of a boss, why in the world do I presume to think I can write for money?
The human psyche is not something to trifle with. We are only here for a short while. That is such a trite statement. How many billions of humans have expressed that very same thought in nearly countless languages? I still must ask myself these questions. If I don't get into a writing mode soon, my family will be bankrupt and I will feel disgraced.
Am I waiting for that calamity to motivate me? What keeps us from achieving our dreams? I have dreamt of writing for a living for decades. Now that I'm on the cusp, why waffle? Is it a fear of success/failure? Is it laziness? Hell, is it self esteem?
I am a confused man. That is not to say I'm stupid, poorly educated or ignorant. I simply get confused by all the contradiciton of this world. One day I'll understand. That day involves death of some nature, I'm certain. I must reveal myself to this world if only through my blogs, books, webs, tweets and other communicative medium.
I fear I'm entering a stage of persecution. Persecution for writing that which is on my writer's heart. Everything I write is not necessarily my belief written in stone. I like the liberty writing gives you - the liberty to create and take on persona's you otherwise would never live. I like writing the bad guy. I like the decadence of fiction. Good fiction. I love a great story. I crave the ability to spin a yarn everyone falls in love with. Yes, that's that "Great American Novel" kinda thing. Can't help it, I want it.
So I'm off to continue my writing career. Wish me luck. The confusion grows thicker the further I progress ...
The human psyche is not something to trifle with. We are only here for a short while. That is such a trite statement. How many billions of humans have expressed that very same thought in nearly countless languages? I still must ask myself these questions. If I don't get into a writing mode soon, my family will be bankrupt and I will feel disgraced.
Am I waiting for that calamity to motivate me? What keeps us from achieving our dreams? I have dreamt of writing for a living for decades. Now that I'm on the cusp, why waffle? Is it a fear of success/failure? Is it laziness? Hell, is it self esteem?
I am a confused man. That is not to say I'm stupid, poorly educated or ignorant. I simply get confused by all the contradiciton of this world. One day I'll understand. That day involves death of some nature, I'm certain. I must reveal myself to this world if only through my blogs, books, webs, tweets and other communicative medium.
I fear I'm entering a stage of persecution. Persecution for writing that which is on my writer's heart. Everything I write is not necessarily my belief written in stone. I like the liberty writing gives you - the liberty to create and take on persona's you otherwise would never live. I like writing the bad guy. I like the decadence of fiction. Good fiction. I love a great story. I crave the ability to spin a yarn everyone falls in love with. Yes, that's that "Great American Novel" kinda thing. Can't help it, I want it.
So I'm off to continue my writing career. Wish me luck. The confusion grows thicker the further I progress ...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Islam - An Orgy of Murder
I own hatred of Islam. This hatred was not always in me. The rage built slowly from the atrocities perpetrated in the name of religion. Back when I studied the Inquisition and Crusades in school, I wondered at how base and dull of intellect people had to be back then to kill in the name of religion like they did. The atrocities committed back then were just as heinous, just as soul-less, just as vile as today.
9/11 pushed me over the edge. Islam is an absurdity adopted by millions. Actually over a billion if reported numbers are correct. While those numbers are frightening, the breakdown is even more telling. 93% of Muslims are "moderate" or not of the "radical extremist" nature. That leaves around 91 million radical extremists who desire to kill mothers, children, fathers, men, women, etc.
Note the generalities of those words. They don't care who is killed. They have a blood lust. Modern day savages that kill as their answer to religious differences. Indiscriminate killing. Soulless killing.
I read today where an Iraqi policeman went to work and some radical extremists went into his house and murdered his wife and three children. Islam disgusts me.
"Oh my!" you say. "It is not politically correct to say such things." I don't give a shit. Islam is a pathetic excuse for religion. Where is the outcry from the moderates? Where is the daily disgust with the coarse disregard of human life? Moderate Muslims are tellingly quiet. Even the world is pathetically quiet. Where is the human outrage?
Let's pull out their sympathy card. Oh, Muslims were abused way back centuries ago. Name me a group of people who haven't been in the past. The United States came from a people who were escaping persecution. The sad thing is, that same stock of people came to North America and persecuted the natives here.
Every race and culture has had its persecutions and continue to have them. Islam disgusts me because one billion moderates won't stand up, denounce and take action against 91 million assholes. "Assholes" is far too polite a word. Radical extremist Muslims are base, vile, soulless murderers who justify their sordid, low-life blood lust through religion. Yes, the Crusades were just as disgusting. But I ask you - when are YOU living? IF it is now, this present moment, the transgressions of yesteryear are NO JUSTIFICATION for heinous murder.
Until I see otherwise, I equate Islam with murderers. I don't care if 93% are moderate. Until they stand up and demand these pathetic "jihadists" reign themselves in, the moderates are as guilty as the radical extremists. There should be daily, if not multiple times a day where moderates denounce the bloodshed. Anything less appears to me to be silent support.
What I see is moderates quietly saying, "let's let the extremists conquer the world so that we can enforce (note "force" is the dominant aspect of that word) our religious doctrines on the world." Islam desires nothing but the entire world. It's message of hate and murder are all I see and hear.
Islam is disgusting. A violently perverted religion that threatens to rip the very fabric of society to shreds. When Islam achieves its goal of world domination, your life will be dominated by some blood lust-perverted individual's view of how you walk, talk, dress act and think. We'll all live under men like Bin Laden and the low-life Iranian president Ahmadinejad.
What a horrible world for our children. It's coming. Look at Europe. It's here in the States. Cancer. The cancer Islam spreads like the killing beast it is. When we fall, the end of one of the greatest eras in world history will come. Such a shame to fall to such wicked men. The fact they are freely granted their orgy of murder by their very own moderate backers repulses me.
9/11 pushed me over the edge. Islam is an absurdity adopted by millions. Actually over a billion if reported numbers are correct. While those numbers are frightening, the breakdown is even more telling. 93% of Muslims are "moderate" or not of the "radical extremist" nature. That leaves around 91 million radical extremists who desire to kill mothers, children, fathers, men, women, etc.
Note the generalities of those words. They don't care who is killed. They have a blood lust. Modern day savages that kill as their answer to religious differences. Indiscriminate killing. Soulless killing.
I read today where an Iraqi policeman went to work and some radical extremists went into his house and murdered his wife and three children. Islam disgusts me.
"Oh my!" you say. "It is not politically correct to say such things." I don't give a shit. Islam is a pathetic excuse for religion. Where is the outcry from the moderates? Where is the daily disgust with the coarse disregard of human life? Moderate Muslims are tellingly quiet. Even the world is pathetically quiet. Where is the human outrage?
Let's pull out their sympathy card. Oh, Muslims were abused way back centuries ago. Name me a group of people who haven't been in the past. The United States came from a people who were escaping persecution. The sad thing is, that same stock of people came to North America and persecuted the natives here.
Every race and culture has had its persecutions and continue to have them. Islam disgusts me because one billion moderates won't stand up, denounce and take action against 91 million assholes. "Assholes" is far too polite a word. Radical extremist Muslims are base, vile, soulless murderers who justify their sordid, low-life blood lust through religion. Yes, the Crusades were just as disgusting. But I ask you - when are YOU living? IF it is now, this present moment, the transgressions of yesteryear are NO JUSTIFICATION for heinous murder.
Until I see otherwise, I equate Islam with murderers. I don't care if 93% are moderate. Until they stand up and demand these pathetic "jihadists" reign themselves in, the moderates are as guilty as the radical extremists. There should be daily, if not multiple times a day where moderates denounce the bloodshed. Anything less appears to me to be silent support.
What I see is moderates quietly saying, "let's let the extremists conquer the world so that we can enforce (note "force" is the dominant aspect of that word) our religious doctrines on the world." Islam desires nothing but the entire world. It's message of hate and murder are all I see and hear.
Islam is disgusting. A violently perverted religion that threatens to rip the very fabric of society to shreds. When Islam achieves its goal of world domination, your life will be dominated by some blood lust-perverted individual's view of how you walk, talk, dress act and think. We'll all live under men like Bin Laden and the low-life Iranian president Ahmadinejad.
What a horrible world for our children. It's coming. Look at Europe. It's here in the States. Cancer. The cancer Islam spreads like the killing beast it is. When we fall, the end of one of the greatest eras in world history will come. Such a shame to fall to such wicked men. The fact they are freely granted their orgy of murder by their very own moderate backers repulses me.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Cattle Prodded Masses
The most confusing item up for bid is - life. This chaotic stroll through existence never ceases to befuddle me. Ok, so that is only partially true. Too often I am overrun by life and desperately grasping for answers so that I don't contemplate my confusion or acknowledge it - but the confusion is always there.
Take the Lockerbie bomber. The asshole kills hundreds, gets life in prison (a miscarriage of justice in and of itself), then gets paroled into the arms of Gaddafi(private jet and all) because he's only got five months to live due to cancer. I've seen people live for years past a five-months-to-live estimate. The man should be dead. Now.
Governments make deals is the conspiracy theory here. This is for the "national or world good" is the insinuation no doubt placed out there by the perpetrators of this ridiculous freeing of a mass murderer. Placate the masses with a "government conspiracy theory". The confusing thing about this is - it works. The outcry dies off quickly. Governments don't make deals. People make deals. Deals are made most often out of self interest. I don't buy for a minute this man's release. I'm confused more at the bovine "I'll buy anything that states government conspiracy" mentality of the masses.
Our world today is a collection of short term memories and instant gratification. Wheedlers, swindlers and evil empires thrive in this environment. I'm confused as to how to combat such passive acceptance by the world population an such greedy, power mongering from the higher ups in the world.
We are duped on a minute by minute basis by people throughout the world who have managed to grab control of us through the dissemination of calculated leaks, conspiracies and outright power grabs. We are truly cattle lead to slaughter. Actually, we are more like the workhorse that provides the labor for rich folk. As long as "they" keep us satisfied" with our little perversions and instant gratifications, we will buy anything. Our outcries will be short and our attention span shorter. "They" will become richer and more powerful, laughing and plotting their next shameful offense.
I am beginning to realize confusion can be power. Confusion may be the jolt we need to stand up as a world population and say, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!". One day. One day.
Take the Lockerbie bomber. The asshole kills hundreds, gets life in prison (a miscarriage of justice in and of itself), then gets paroled into the arms of Gaddafi(private jet and all) because he's only got five months to live due to cancer. I've seen people live for years past a five-months-to-live estimate. The man should be dead. Now.
Governments make deals is the conspiracy theory here. This is for the "national or world good" is the insinuation no doubt placed out there by the perpetrators of this ridiculous freeing of a mass murderer. Placate the masses with a "government conspiracy theory". The confusing thing about this is - it works. The outcry dies off quickly. Governments don't make deals. People make deals. Deals are made most often out of self interest. I don't buy for a minute this man's release. I'm confused more at the bovine "I'll buy anything that states government conspiracy" mentality of the masses.
Our world today is a collection of short term memories and instant gratification. Wheedlers, swindlers and evil empires thrive in this environment. I'm confused as to how to combat such passive acceptance by the world population an such greedy, power mongering from the higher ups in the world.
We are duped on a minute by minute basis by people throughout the world who have managed to grab control of us through the dissemination of calculated leaks, conspiracies and outright power grabs. We are truly cattle lead to slaughter. Actually, we are more like the workhorse that provides the labor for rich folk. As long as "they" keep us satisfied" with our little perversions and instant gratifications, we will buy anything. Our outcries will be short and our attention span shorter. "They" will become richer and more powerful, laughing and plotting their next shameful offense.
I am beginning to realize confusion can be power. Confusion may be the jolt we need to stand up as a world population and say, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!". One day. One day.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I Am the Last Confused Man
Doesn't it seem like everyone knows everything about life these days? We pry into the psyches of our professional athelets. Heck we do it to college atheletes, high school atheletes all the way on down to our tiniest atheletes. The proposition in all this is that we know and they need our "expertise".
You have your Buddhists, Muslims and Christians. Hindus, Krishnas and athiests. They all KNOW. They've answered the riddles of the universe and beyond. I understand faith. I understand it is to believe in the hope of something. I am a Christian myself. I appear to be the only Christian who stands confused.
I'm confused by a world of knowledge that grows nanosecond by nanosecond. I'm confused by those who claim to "know truth" but who follow lies. I'm confused by fellow Christians who "know the Lord" but lord this knowledge over everyone around them.
My children confuse me. I was once a child. I don't recall being all that confused as a child. Yet I listen and I observe and I can't for the life of me figure out what they're thinking. This blog will be my refuge from confusion. I'll post to it as I am overwhelmed by confusion. This could be a daily thing.
Confusion is the one thing I know better than anything else. At least that's how it feels at times. Come on back. I may just confuse you as well.
You have your Buddhists, Muslims and Christians. Hindus, Krishnas and athiests. They all KNOW. They've answered the riddles of the universe and beyond. I understand faith. I understand it is to believe in the hope of something. I am a Christian myself. I appear to be the only Christian who stands confused.
I'm confused by a world of knowledge that grows nanosecond by nanosecond. I'm confused by those who claim to "know truth" but who follow lies. I'm confused by fellow Christians who "know the Lord" but lord this knowledge over everyone around them.
My children confuse me. I was once a child. I don't recall being all that confused as a child. Yet I listen and I observe and I can't for the life of me figure out what they're thinking. This blog will be my refuge from confusion. I'll post to it as I am overwhelmed by confusion. This could be a daily thing.
Confusion is the one thing I know better than anything else. At least that's how it feels at times. Come on back. I may just confuse you as well.
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