Pain

Ever been blindsided by someone you've bent over backwards for? Ever been devastated emotionally because you believed that this person would never forget all the good you did for them and turn on you like a cornered badger?

When this happens, my confusion skyrockets. I suppose I believe people will treat kindness well all the days of your life. Kindness is only a temporal phenomena it seems. Life becomes a series of "what have you done for me lately" acts that eventually tumble and fall like all things on this earth.

It still hurts when it happens though. The pain of cruel words and more cruel intent dig deeper from those you believe like you. Their actions make you question whether you are doing the right thing in life by giving a person a hand up. Once on their feet they often seem to bite that hand. Then they'll defend their actions with some internal logic that makes no sense in the real world.

I had my day handed to me with force right in the gut today. I suppose I shouldn't have questioned why the person was so upset with someone on Facebook. I couldn't see the reason, so I made my observations and asked what was up.

I got blasted. What's worse, I got blasted because I hadn't read the comment thread between the two people. Their conversation got heated. Had I read that, I would have known why. I was handed my head and told I was a really good friend but ...

When will people learn the damaging power of that word? But is nothing but a brutal word for everything nice I said about you is not true. I suppose I should not get so upset. After all, this person was just taking advantage of me anyway. There's a certain amount of unhappiness that comes with putting yourself out there. I just wish the pain did not have to come my way. I don't like being hurt, especially when I know the person who did it will never own up and truly apologize.

I'll have to eat the pain and move on. Then, as always seems to happen, you have to interact with the person afterward. Both of you pretend nothing happened but the distance grows and you end up going your separate ways.

I loathe conflict. I loathe the fact that the very people who befriend you are the ones you'll eventually have to deal with on a battlefield of words, ideals and emotions. There is no peace in this life. And there is no pain like the pain of the heart.