More Pain

When did I become a doormat? This really confuses me. When did I get to the point where some ungrateful bitch holds power over my emotions. That sounds really "judgemental" doesn't it? That sounds really "Oh, you're a bad boy who deserves everything he gets" kind of guy, doesn't it?

What if I don't deserve it? What if she really IS a bitch, a self-centered, money-grubbing, back-stabbing, unbalanced bitch.
Why would you be with someone like that, sonny?

Fuck you.

That kind of language is probably why she's actin' that way sonny.

Fuck you again.

What're you gonna do about it, eh? You gonna get all tough guy and posture and cock around like some rooster?

What the ....? No. She can go to hell.

Oh, now that solves everything.

Ok, ok. You want to know what I'm going to do? You see that - "going" - not some punk-ass non-word like "gonna". I'm going to get myself together. I'm going to hold my head high and go on with my life. I already told her that I didn't deserve to be treated the way she treated me and that I don't appreciate it. All she can do is respond like the sorry, low-life bitch she had become. It's a shame when a person's words don't live the person's life. She talks a great game, but in the end, she's just a lame, broken down cow that is bitter, untrusting, untrustworthy, short-sighted woman who's in this life thing for whatever she can grab and it doesn't matter who she tramples to get it as long as she doesn't have to work to hard for it. Fuck her and the sorry negativity she brings into this sordid world.

I may be seeing some glimmer of life in you sonny boy. Maybe she IS a bitch and you WERE wronged. Whatcha gonna do about it?

I thought I just told you.

No, what are you going to do with the pain. The hurt. The crushing blow your heart felt when she crushed it with her bitch hammer.

Oh that.

Yea, that.

I'm going to nourish it, take care of it, and watch it die with each step I take to make my life better. The hole has been there in my heart before. I know how to heal it.

I thought so sonny.

You're not so bad once you get going.

And you are not as bad as she makes you out to be son. Don't allow her to steal your passion. Make her fuel it. And don't you believe a word she says. She's as full of shit as the next fellow. She just doesn't know it.

Ignorant . . .

Now now.

Thanks.

Anytime.